Never knew that there’s actually a difference between reaction and response. And who really cares about the difference. Anyway, here’s some definitions of a few terms that I have learnt and see if you draw the same conclusion as I do…
communication is ineffective and people who adopt this style are generally afriad of confrontation they dislike conflicts and do not feel they have the right to make thie wishes and desires known.
communication is a way of expressing needs and desires which doesn’t take into account the welfare of others. An aggressive communication style is considered selfish ad it is usually linked to desire to hurt others and generally reflect a poor emotional development.
Responsive Assertive communication is rational and is based on respect for self and others.
After seeing these 3 terms, as usual, the ever-assuming me, started to assocaite. The first behaviour is definitely practised by men and the second one is by women, and the third one is only by a saint! Yes, I know this will probably invite flying stones in my directions. MAYBE it doesn’t apply to all but for some reasons, I do see this in relationships of friends around me.
Of course, when I first saw these 3 terms, the first thing I did was deny. Trying to justify that I belong to the 3rd category but deep down, I know I am far off.
I guess that’s why communication is very often the archilles heel in every relationships. And everyday I see myself doing the very things that I ought not to be doing in relationships. Some examples:
1) I assume, label and exaggerate too much.
2) I have too much expectations = more disappointments.
3) I can’t accept the fact that conflicts are inevitable and that’s why I handle them badly which subsequently lead to bad situation handling.
4) I use too much ‘you’ in conflicts. Blaming becomes a habit.
5) I never communicate my needs and wants, although I know them clearly.
Sigh…see how a talk can make one open eyes but feel terrible about oneself after that?
Anyway, if you are that bored and reading this, a food for thought, are you passive, aggressive or assertive, bearing in mind that
to be truely assertive, you need to see yourself as being of worth and as having a right to enjoy life. At the same time. you value others equally, respecting their right to an opinion and enjoy their own lives
Hmmmm…maybe the 1st one is easier than the 2nd?