Today I was almost burying myself in work. But before I started every task, I questioned myself, ‘why am I doing this?’ The immediate response was often, ‘because I have to do it.’
Then there’s another pile of work lying somewhere in my mind and yet I barely touch it. This happens to be the stuffs that I want to do.
As though these are not enough, every day there’s this particular person who will come to me and try to throw stuffs in my face. And interestingly, this pile of work is something I DO NOT want to do and yet have to do it, but not necessarily by me.
I think when it comes to work, my ethos have changed tremendously over the years. No longer am I the person who accepts work silently and do things because I have to. Now, I only do tasks that I want to do. And this makes me happier in a job that is no longer my dream job.
Then I realized something when I reached home today. I look at little girl, and started questioning the kind of values i will be passing to her. Will she come back to me one day from school clamoring, ‘mama I don’t want to do the homework! You taught me before to do things that i want to do and not those that I have to do!’ For a moment, I panicked.
So, here am I lying on my bed, next to the little girl, with a protruding tum tum and an aching back and hip, wondering…is it possible to turn the things that I don’t want to do but have to into something that I want to do? Sigh…
Gosh… Mondays are just so dreadful! From the beginning to the end…