Loving Two…

Currently in my 24 weeks with my #2 and honestly, I am still feeling the guilt that my time spent with BB Kay and her only has to be shorten. Till now, I still cannot come to terms with the fact that I have to deprive her of breast-feeding due to this pregnancy and I am very reluctant to have to make her share time with #2. In fact, I blame myself for her last encounter with parasites as I couldn’t strengthen her more with BM. I really cannot fathom how am I supposed to share the love between two kids.

Today, a sweet sweet friend posted this link that led me to the following poem (Thanks Lydia!) and it kinda answered my question on how is it possible to love children especially when little girl is still so young. Certainly brought tears to my eyes and I guess, another friend is right…the Love is not shared….it just grows BIGGER.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at
having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me.” And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him ~ as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity,
then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared,
just we two. There are new times ~ only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you ~ as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you ~ only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you ~
you each have your own supply.

I love you ~ both. And I thank you both for blessing my life!

Taken from http://community.babycenter.com/post/a17801595/touching_poem_about_baby_2


3 thoughts on “Loving Two…

  1. Pingback: 2010 in blog review! « The Home of the Yellow-Faced Wife

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