And so 2017 is here

And so, we bade good-bye to another year, a year which I have once again, lived in a blur. That would be two blurry years already, according to my last new year entry . I guess that happens when one seems to have lost that goal in life. Once that vision is gone, one just floats through time. 2016, I am just glad you are over. It was a huge and impactful year for the family with both little ones started new milestones – one in her first year of formal education while the other a new year in a new school. The daddy had an accident that set the family back for quite a few weeks. I ended my business, as intended at the end of 2015. It was a year of too many incidents, too many disappointments, too many self-doubts, too low a confidence and too few pockets of happiness. To be honest, I am a little cautious with 2017. It just started with my Macbook Air crash on me when I wanted to start this blog entry, kinda says a little bit?

I do have plans for 2017 but I am approaching with a lot of caution. I have too many baggages in the mind. I need to sing like Elsa…Let it go. I no longer dare to just go head-on with things. I have changed. Right now, I can only think pragmatism because I realised to realise dreams, I need to be pragmatic — yes, it took me that long to realise.

I want to accomplish lot in 2017 but it would also mean I have to plan my resources and time properly. So the word , or rather, words I would give myself this year is

Discipline and smile at the littlest things

I need discipline more than ever and discipline has never been what I am good at. I need to learn to juggle things well and I am talking about many things. I want to live each day with no regret. Every minute and every second has to count. I smiled too little in 2016. It takes too much to make me laugh. I need to just smile and laugh as and when I want. I also want to bring a smile to people by doing the smallest things. I want to do my little bit to make the society a little warmer.

I want to make my 2017 different. I need to make that happen….

 

 
而你(我)的故事,現在正是起點⋯

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Harlow 2016

Just when I thought it’s time to sit down and reflect and review like what I have done yearly, I realised this so-called tradition I was supposed to have was not quite the tradition after all. As I looked through the archives, I realised that I DID NOT MAKE ANY ENTRY for the year 2015…to my horror! No wonder I have this weird after taste for the year 2015. My last new-year-related blog entry aka New Year Resolution was made in December 2013 for the year 2014! And I have absolutely no idea why I did not made any resolution for the year 2015. Now I kind of understand why 2015 seemed like a strange year despite being so eventful.

Here I am, sitting here in front of my laptop, furiously trying to recall my 2015, I could only remember clearly (without scrolling through my camera roll) the following:

  1. The passing of our founding father
  2. SG50
  3. GE 2015
  4. Kay’s birthday party
  5. Japan holiday

I think I also remember how busy the Mr had been the whole year and that even on holiday, I could not quite feel his presence with us. I think the same could be said for him about me. Honestly, I couldn’t even feel my own presence.

I remember a lot of emotions, a lot of crying and a lot of reflections. I know I smile when the kids were around but I can’t remember when was the last I truly laughed. That’s why I turned to watching Taiwanese variety shows to laugh till I tear.

In conclusion, my 2015 was a rather blurred vision. I am sorry friends that when we met up, you might have felt my absence despite my physical presence. but I think I was a little better towards the end of the year.

Now, in the quiet first night of 2016, I finally can pen down what I really feel about the passing 2015. I think I was very very lost, in the midst of events, in the midst of self-doubt and in the midst of uncertainty. Up until 31 December 2015, I was still extremely low in morale, in complete disinterest in welcoming the New Year because I think 2016 would be the same. Nonetheless, I am pretty glad 2015 is gone.

However, despite the bleakness I have painted about 2015, I have unknowingly made a few decisions. Decisions that I am afraid to execute but I got to do so in 2016. Some decisions will be sad while some would be exciting. Some will also means doing what I do not wish to do. Nonetheless, despite know that I must, I fear.

Then somehow, my favourite band got to release their new single on this very day — on the day of this brand new year — and at probably my lowest point in life. I heard the first version by the singer for whom they have written the song for and couldn’t stop tearing. Their version today just overwhelmed me. I wondered, HOW ON EARTH DO THEY KNOW I NEED THAT!

I really can’t say much about my new year resolutions because I really am very afraid of making any because I am very afraid that I can’t realise any one of them. But I know I will live by what the song preaches

BRAVENESS aka 勇敢

Every decision I will be making needs that courage and the never-say-die attitude. I need to remember to stand up when I fall and fight harder after that.

So here it is, my cliche entry about the New Year. I shall leave you with the MV of my personal anthem for 2016 and the beautiful words from the song.

勇敢 (Hokkien)
詞:阿信 | 曲:怪獸 | 編曲演奏:五月天 | 導演:鄧勇星+詹凱

敢講這是失去希望的時代
敢講這是失去期待的所在
敢講咱一世人只有忍耐 只有憤慨 只有無奈
只有目屎無人知 吞落腹肚內

看到心願慢慢變成不甘願
才知期待未當靜靜的等待
不管咱是天才抑是奴才 只有拼著 所有氣力
挑戰無情的世間 一天一冬 一世人到永遠
一遍擱一遍

不知影 誰在安排 命運好歹 一人攏一款
有時陣 想欲放棄 想欲怨嘆 想欲流目屎

等一天 黑暗過去 苦盡甘來 人生滋味才了解
為著彼個將來
要自己 勇敢再勇敢

若有一天若我消失在世間
若有我的故事給誰人熟識
不管阮是成功抑是失敗 我的名字 號做勇敢
唱作美麗的歌曲 一字一句 一世人到永遠
一遍擱一遍

不知影 誰在安排 命運好歹 一人攏一款
有時陣 想欲放棄 想欲怨嘆 想欲流目屎

等一天 黑暗過去 苦盡甘來 人生滋味才了解
為著彼個將來
要自己 勇敢再勇敢

風無情 雨無情 命運也無情
若有膽 若有心 風雨算什麼
飄浪一生 就要攀過 最高的海浪

不知影 誰在安排 命運好歹 一人攏一款
有時陣 想欲放棄 想欲怨嘆 想欲流目屎

等一天 黑暗過去 苦盡甘來 人生滋味才了解
為著彼個將來
要自己 勇敢再勇敢

 

PS: The first version was sang by a Hokkien singer, it was a very touching version too.